


Immune to the Light

by writingramblr



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Introspection, M/M, Redemption, Resolved Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Unresolved Sexual Tension, oops it grew a plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-05-08 03:37:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5481986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingramblr/pseuds/writingramblr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As the Star Killer falls to pieces, Rey is forced to make a difficult decision, one that sets off a chain of events no one could have predicted, especially not herself.</p><p>Kylo Ren is still only mortal, and a blaster wound is not something he can simply shrug off, when offered the chance to actually go home, he makes a different choice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this was a major oops it grew and turned out waaaay different.  
> plot whiplash if you will.
> 
> but hey this is some hard earned fluff.
> 
> and also the title is from a quote on one of the covergirl star wars mascaras...yeah i know. lame. uber. and i also noticed i tend to repeat somethings when rewriting the movies scenes...so, sorry about that.

The instant her fingertips touched the lightsaber, Rey’s mind flew apart.

Screams of her own voice.

Roaring of a ships engines escaping the atmosphere.

A sharp tug on her arm.

The collapse of a foreign hallway, and the transformation to rubble and dust.

Dozens and dozens of dead bodies, felled by one hand.

The hand that gripped the jagged red lightening sword.

Rey felt her throat clench in fear as she laid eyes upon the tall imposing figure, who loomed over where she lay sprawled on the ground, whether it was really raining and muddy or cold and dusty.

He was someone to avoid at all costs.

Death and danger followed him.

All the while, the Force was calling out to her.

Whispers of a voice she did not recognize said things she didn’t understand.

The scarlet blade swung up and at her, and she scurried backwards to keep it from setting ablaze her skin.

With a start, Rey blinked, and returned to the present.

She dropped the lightsaber and backed out of the room suddenly.

Maz’s voice pulled her from the daze of her conflicted thoughts.

*

It was _him!_

The man in with the silver and black mask, who was perfectly capable of taking her life in a heartbeat.

She squeezed the trigger until her finger went numb.

That was the Force, being twisted and used as a means of defeat.

He’d swung easily and danced towards her while dodging every bolt, but now, he was inches away.

Despite the anonymity of his mask, he remained turned away from her when he spoke.

The rasp of metal upon metal was how his voice sounded to her ears.

“You’ve seen the map.”

If a machine could sound impressed, that was the tone it would take.

His hand moved in front of her eyes and then all was darkness.

*

“Where am I?”

The plank was anything but comfortable, and Rey wasn’t sure how long she’d been restrained, but long enough that she couldn’t feel her legs.

 _He_ was there.

Just sitting.

Sitting and watching her.

Waiting for her to awaken so he could pull the information he wanted from her mind.

She set her jaw, determined to make him fight for it.

She would not be broken.

“You’re my guest.”

Still with the mask, he replied.

Rey straightened her neck and lifted her chin in defiance,

“A monster who hides behind a mask is no one I would ever wish to be a guest of. I’m your captive. You plan to torture me to find out what I know. It won’t work.”

The speed with which he stood up and shifted closer took her aback, and she found herself straining to shrink against the board.

He was taller than her, she knew this already, but now, like this, he towered over her.

Her throat went dry as she recalled the vision she’d had from the lightsaber.

Was he preparing to kill her?

Would he run her through with the blade until she begged for an easy death?

Or was he planning to turn her mind inside out and back upon itself?

She started when his hands rose up in unison, but he was not reaching for her, he was unsnapping clasps, and with a smooth movement, like the elegant striking of a snake, he pulled away the mask.

No scars, no marks, nothing marred the expanse of his handsome and shockingly young face.

Dark hair curled over his forehead, framing brown eyes that were haunting in appearance.

As if he’d seen too much.

He had.

He’d killed.

So many.

“Does that put you more at ease?”

She eyed him, choosing silence in favor of giving him anything to hold over her.

He moved closer, and she could feel the heat of his breath on her skin.

“You’re the girl I’ve seen in my head. I’ve had dreams of this moment.”

She frowned.

He’d seen the future?

She knew that was supposedly a Jedi power, sensitivity to possible outcomes, but could the Sith be capable of it too?

“You’re not just a scavenger. You’ve so much potential. I wonder, what I’ll see…”

His gloved hand was pressed to her cheek, scarcely touching her skin, and the instant pain blinded her.

She cried out and her teeth clenched at once as she fought the restraints.

It was as if a mental door had been kicked down, laying all her thoughts and memories and feelings bare.

Fighting to breathe steady, Rey forced her eyes open.

Greenish gold met brown, and the stare began.

Surprisingly he broke first.

“So lonely…all alone and unable to sleep most nights. When you do, you dream of an island surrounded by clear waters.”

His voice was no longer a metallic rasp of a machine, but a velvet caress in her ear.

Now he was lurking around her, pacing again, his hands at his sides.

She panted from the effort, recovering slowly from the intrusion.

“You’re the one who’s alone. You abandoned your family. All for a little power.”

Her harshness came from frustration, and she regretted the words almost the second they’d left her mouth.

He was in front of her in an instant, cheeks flushed and jaw tense,

“How dare you.”

She cocked a brow at him,

“How dare I? Indeed. If you let me go, and didn’t cheat, I’d have your ass for taking advantage of me.”

His face relaxed all at once,

“Really? You think you can beat me?”

Rey simply nodded.

“We’ll see.”

The next time he tried to probe her mind, she resisted.

It took tremendous control, and just when she felt her body weakening, she pushed past his own probe attempts and broke through his mind. It was overwhelming, and nearly as painful to witness as being invaded had been.

Anger…hurt…desperation…desire…loss…and fear.

“You’re afraid…afraid you’ll never be as great a Sith as Darth Vader.”

The shuddering gasp that escaped him was answer enough.

She’d hit the center of his problem exactly.

He felt tempted by the light, by the yearning to feel his family and be loved and welcomed, but fear of rejection kept him from pursuing it.

“Do not try to reduce me to one thing. There are many things I fear. But it is the control of that fear that makes me powerful.”

Rey fought the urge to laugh. It would be entirely inappropriate.

“Everyone learns to control their emotions.”

He sneered back at her,

“Not Jedi. They simply let go of them. Tell me, who is more dangerous, a man with no emotion, or a man with full control of his?”

That was a slap in the face of the last few hours.

A day in which Rey had spent knowing Jedi were real, the Force was real, and things she’d never imagined about herself were possible.

“You think on that. I’ll be back in a moment.”

With a dramatic turning and what Rey thought might have been a shadow of a bow, Kylo Ren had left her alone with her thoughts.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> where the AU starts...

Finding a moment of clarity, Rey arrived upon a conclusion.

Without the distraction of Kylo Ren’s face, he was extremely foreboding and intimidating.

But when that went away, all that was left standing was a lost and hurt man who’d had to grow up too fast because of the ever developing skills he probably still didn’t completely understand.

Who would follow someone like that?

The door to her makeshift cell slammed open, and she jumped.

“Well?”

His tone was mocking.

The smile he wore was harsh, and though it would likely never happen in her presence, she wondered what would make him smile genuinely.

Forgiveness?

Redemption?

“I think there has to be another way. Not the restrictive old ways of the Jedi Order, nor the chaos that clearly rules the Sith.”

She said carefully, watching him as he drew ever closer, wary of the gloved hands that hung loosely at his sides.

Any second they could turn back into deadly weapons.

Empty or not, there was incredible potential for destruction.

“Aren’t you the pacifist? Very clever of you to think of a middle ground.”

Rey lifted her chin again,

“I suppose you only see the galaxy in two shades, black and white?”

He shrugged,

“I see things the way they are. With knowledge of the Force comes clarity. If you wanted, I could even show you.”

Rey shook her head.

“No thanks. I don’t need you poisoning my thoughts.”

His jaw tightened and his eyes darkened,

“That’s incredibly rude. I could push you to the brink of death. I could make you claw off your own skin. _I can take anything I want._ You should be grateful I want you alive.”

Rey shivered slightly and leaned away from him as he stepped right up to her, his hand lifting to brush an escaped strand of hair back from her cheek.

“I could make you want things…but I get the sense it wouldn’t be necessary. You’re just as curious as I am. We’ve done this all before. We’ve met on different worlds, if you consider dreams separate from consciousness.”

How fine was the line between terror and fascination?

Rey suddenly wasn’t sure.

Just like that, he was gone.

Striding out of the room, leaving her shaky and breathless from anticipating a mental attack that never came.

*

Escaping the cell turned out much easier than she’d imagined.

It wasn’t until far later, after she’d reunited with the famous smuggler and the runaway trooper that she realized maybe it hadn’t been easy.

He’d let her.

But then the world turned on its axis, and he stabbed his father in front of the entire cargo bay.

The feral scream that escaped her lips was the result of many things, but least of all, for a shining moment when Han Solo had offered her a job, she’d seen how it would go, how things would turn for the better, and she wouldn’t need to ever touch a lightsaber again.

Now?

She only felt red hot rage.

*

Finn slumped into the snow, possibly dead, and Rey once again felt her emotions flare to life.

The lightsaber had brought pain and visions, but now it was her only chance for vengeance.

Never mind the fact it wasn’t part of the Jedi code or anywhere near the middle ground she’d espoused earlier to the very man who stood before her.

He clutched his side, crimson leaking between his fingers, staining the snow, all thanks to the wound Chewbacca had managed to inflict, and Rey fought the urge to smile.

She held the advantage, if only for the moment.

Cold metal warmed to her touch instantly as her thumb found the switch, bringing the shining blue beam to life in her hands.

Kylo Ren actually looked worried for a moment.

He’d thought the Force was bringing it to him.

No more thinking.

She ran forward and slashed her first strike.

Maddeningly he blocked her and retreated.

Would it hurt to give in just for a moment?

Breathing deeply, she let the entirety of the righteous anger flow through her, bringing Force strength to each and every hit, until Kylo Ren wasn’t just retreating; he was actively throwing up the red cross to simply defend himself.

The only thing Rey couldn’t have predicted was how the planet would react to the carnage being wrought upon the core.

Beneath their feet, the ground became unsteady.

Until one moment she was prepared to take the high ground, and the next, there was a yawning canyon at her back.

Instantly her body chilled with fear, and she saw her life flashing before her eyes.

Unconsciously she reached out through the Force, grasping at anything and anyway to keep her footing.

The lightsaber’s switched off, and Rey found herself gripping Kylo Ren’s extended arm at the wrist with enough pressure to cut off the blood flow for the moment, until he flung her up and away.

She landed on a snow drift and jumped back to her feet without a thought.

However he did not recover so easily.

The wound in his side was no longer something he could ignore.

She heard him cry out, but she’d mistaken it for the sound of the quake and crack of the dirt.

“Please…”

His hands were empty and he was kneeling in the snow, the only red near him a lopsided stain from his blood soaked robes dragging on the ground.

She had him on his knees before her.

She saw it.

His death would end so many things, right so many wrongs, and yet…

Rey was not him.

She was not a killer.

“You’re going to come with me.”

The lightsaber was in her hand as insurance, her thumb poised to flick it on at any second, but he nodded slowly.

“Yes. Anything.”

Reaching blindly, Rey called out to his own saber with the Force.

For she didn’t trust him.

Not at all.

It came to her, singing its sweet and dark song, whispering of death and especially the most recent life it had extinguished.

Rey winced before sticking it inside her bag, instantly severing the connection between it and her bare skin.

“Go. Move. I need to get to Finn. If he’s dead, well, you just better hope he’s not.”

She wasn’t about to help him back to his feet, and in fact she stood a good distance away as he slowly got up.

He staggered a few steps and then went down at once.

It made her wonder just how bad he was hurt.

She’d never seen anyone get up from a blaster wound, much less fight through it and then fall.

Before she could overthink what she needed to do, a familiar sound filled the air.

Engines!

The Millennium Falcon was near.

Now all she had to do was keep Chewie from finishing what he’d started.

*

In the med bay, on a bed opposite Finn, lay Kylo Ren.

Rey sat stock still between them, only out of pure desperation.

She couldn’t have left them alone if she wanted to.

She was afraid Finn could stop breathing at any moment, and she didn’t know what she’d do then.

But the other hand was the fact she was continuing what Han Solo had meant to do.

Bringing Kylo Ren home.

What would the General say?

Lost in thought, it wasn’t until she looked over at the man in question that she noticed him watching her.

He was clinging to consciousness with every bit of his strength.

From the blood loss, he should long have been asleep.

“What?”

She couldn’t help it.

She snapped.

He was incredibly pale, from the obvious reasons, and the horrible lighting that was the Falcon, but she could see his lips twitching towards what had to be a smile,

“You didn’t kill me.”

Rey snorted,

“Still considering it.”

Only the shifting of his dark hair indicated movement.

“I don’t think so.”

“Don’t tell me what I know.”

“I’m just saying you had every opportunity…but you didn’t. Maybe that’s why the lightsaber went to you.”

Before Rey could attempt to argue, he sighed, and his eyes fluttered shut.

It took a few seconds, but she realized he’d finally drifted off, from pure exhaustion or from pain or the simple need to rest.

The word crept into her thoughts the moment she found herself thinking he looked so innocent and young when he was asleep.

Her hands balled into fists and she ripped her gaze away from the man in black.

Now there was someone who could be good for her.

He clearly admired her.

Had skill with a lightsaber, as best he could, against a dangerous sith, and if he was Force sensitive, who knew what his potential could be?

She smiled faintly as she remembered their first meeting.

Hand holding.

Fleeing from danger.

The shuddering of the ship indicated they were dropping out of lightspeed.

Rey sighed.

Enough time wasted on troubles of the heart.

She had two wounded men to deliver to proper medical staff.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for ref: http://boredjaegerpilot.tumblr.com/post/135603863990/

The revelation that was the actual coordinates for Luke Skywalker presented a huge dilemma for Rey.

On one hand she wanted to seek him out, obtain his advice, and possibly earn his training, but on the other hand she was afraid of what he would see that she’d already done with the Force.

Would he declare her too far gone down the road to becoming a Sith?

“Credit for your thoughts.”

A voice broke through her mental turmoil and she turned to form a half smile.

“Prices have gone up, haven’t you heard?”

Finn nodded, and then winced slightly at the movement to his back, still healing.

“Makes sense. Besides, you’re a big shot now, so you don’t spill your secrets to just anyone.”

Rey shook her head.

“Always to my friends.”

The urge to reach out and take his hand in her own just to squeeze and comfort him was almost overwhelming.

It would however be crossing the line on the side of which she’d placed her priorities.

Jedi training were first, and possible emotional entanglements second.

Although, if she was successful with the former, the latter might no longer be a possibility.

“Feel free to come visit me anytime. The recovery ward is extremely dull.”

Finn joked.

Rey grinned,

“You got it. Had enough mandatory exercise for one day?”

Finn nodded,

“Yep. That means it’s nap time again. Good thing too, these muscles are getting more and more sore as I stretch them.”

“Means you’re healing buddy. C’mon, let’s get you back inside. Don’t wander off now Rey.”

Poe swept in between them from out of nowhere, his cocksure smile and strong arms helping Finn up the ramp and back towards the medical wing of the base.

Rey nodded to the X-wing pilot and said something about how she couldn’t make any promises, before continuing her slow walk towards the direction of the makeshift library.

She’d never had time to do anything but stargaze when she had free time, or she was unable to sleep.

No artificial light meant no reading.

But here?

There were hundreds of volumes and shelves that went on for what seemed like miles.

She told the General it was research, and she was preparing for the journey to Luke, but when the days stretched into weeks, she told herself it was to ensure Finn was healed before she left.

Wandering down no aisle in particular, she was accustomed to letting her hands drift over the tomes, stopping here and there to examine any book spines that jumped out at her.

“I used to do that too.”

Rey’s hand smacked her chest so hard it almost hurt as she recovered from her surprise.

Kylo Ren, or as he’d been newly re-titled, Ben, was sprawled across a couch on his injury free side, staring at her from across the room.

There were little nooks here and there with chairs or couches, and she’d not even checked to see if they were empty.

It had been so quiet, and such an odd time of day, she’d expected to be alone.

“What?”

She hugged herself, partly to try and hide her surprise at him and to mask the sudden chill she’d gotten down her spine at his presence.

She should have sensed him the second she stepped inside, but she supposed since he was feeling better, he’d been practicing shielding his thoughts from her.

An accidental side effect.

Their battle of Force mind control had done something unintended and had started off slowly.

Like a sudden thought that didn’t belong to her, or a memory that wasn’t right, drifting into her dreams, when she did sleep.

Eventually she broke down and asked the General if she knew what was happening.

Temporary Force sensitivity to specific people who’s mind she’d already been inside of.

Rey hadn’t been pleased.

But it had meant she’d been kept on her toes for the last few weeks.

She had a sneaking suspicion the General was much more in tune with the Force than she let on.

“Touched the books to see if I could gain their knowledge with the Force.”

Rey squinted at him.

“That’s not what I was doing.”

His annoying habit of raising an eyebrow when he thought she was lying struck again.

“Right. You were merely absorbing the life forces from the deceased trees.”

“I just like the feel of the paper and the bindings, okay?”

Rey finished indignantly.

She couldn’t believe how easily he dragged her down into petty arguments like they were younglings.

She’d saved his life yes.

Returned him to his only remaining family, true.

But it didn’t mean he had to turn into a complete Ewok.

There was a long game he was playing.

After all, he could only go so long without checking back in with his Master.

Even if the rest of the First Order thought him dead or captured.

The Sith Master was always the most powerful.

“You haven’t come to visit me. Are you afraid to be alone with me?”

The words itched at her conscience, and if she let them, they would crawl right under her skin.

It wasn’t that she feared him, she feared herself.

“I’m alone with you right now.”

She pointed out.

His smile was positively smug.

“That was simply chance. You could have easily have gone to the armory, or outside for a walk.”

Rey didn’t think so.

“Not the will of the Force?”

He was about to roll his eyes, she could sense it.

Three milliseconds before he did, she shook her head.

“Despite what you’ve made your minions tell you, the galaxy does _not_ revolve around you.”

She saw his jaw tighten and if she imagined it, she could hear the grinding of his teeth.

“I did not say anything of the sort.”

“I need to go…check on something.”

He sneered at her even as she was walking away,

“Right. Keep running. Cause that’ll get things solved.”

She left him behind with the sound of laughter mocking her every step.

*

When three months had finally passed, Rey could avoid it no longer.

She stocked the Falcon, informed the General that she was leaving in the morning, and passed the flight plan to Chewie before dinner.

“Be safe out there. The Force will be with you.”

A hug from the General was something special reserved for Rey and a few scant others, so she treasured every single one.

Somewhere deep down inside, Rey knew it was because she’d had a severe lack of them from any sort of maternal figure, and the fact was, physical contact was the best way to show affection and appreciation.

It was why she’d been so taken aback by Finn’s ease of hand holding.

Sweet and touching, but also extremely forward for her.

So she’d rejected it at first.

She’d had a lively chat at dinner with both him and Poe, so now there was only one loose end.

Faint threads of light danced on her vision, but there was no sound.

No actual intrusion.

It had finally worn off, for the most part.

 _Ben_ was still lurking in the one place she’d once thought of as her haven.

The library.

Completely restored to health, he was often seen training in the sparring rings, only opposite bags of sand or against mechanical droids built for just that, taking an endless beating.

Not that Rey had been following him around.

Simply observing just how he fit in to what was only a temporary solution.

He was home yes, but he stuck out worse than a thorn in a feather meadow.

She could see the mad energy beginning to build up all around him, like smoke leaking out from a fire.

It wouldn’t be long before he snapped and searched out his lightsaber to cause some true destruction.

“So this is goodbye.”

It wasn’t a question.

The book he was pretending to read fell to the floor with an audible thunk, and Rey tried to look anywhere but directly at him.

He wasn’t clad in all black anymore.

His hair was carelessly curling back from his face, obviously styled just so that it would look effortless.

There were some days she wanted nothing less than to dump a bucket of ice water over his head, serving twofold purpose, ruination of his hair, and simply to drown the flames that were his entire personality.

“I’m going to fulfill my destiny.”

The words sounded hollow, even to her ears, and they tasted foul.

He stood up slowly, and she fought the urge to swallow, finding her throat dry all of a sudden.

There was little chance he would hurt her, much less could, but somehow having to look up at him to focus on his eyes was intimidating still.

“Indeed. I always knew you were gifted. Beyond the rage, there is tranquil fury.”

Rey frowned, and tilted her head up at him,

“What does that mean?”

His gaze flicked up to the ceiling then back down to her, and she wondered just when he’d gotten so close, for her neck was burning from the sharp angle.

“It means you’re going to make a powerful warrior.”

She found herself fighting the intense urge to stare at his lips, which were eye level to her, well, forehead level, and without warning, hands burned on her hips.

“What are you doing?”

Her voice came out a choked whisper, and she was horrified to hear it broke on the word ‘you.’

“Can’t I give you a hug before I never see you again?”

The words were spoken to her, but his lips were practically kissing her ear, so only she could have heard them.

Breathing was rapidly becoming a challenge, and he was _much_ too close.

She considered briefly using the Force, and throwing him back down on that stupid couch of his, to put some _distance_ between them, but he backed away while one of his hands slid down and around her back to the small dip of her spine, as the other moved up to cup her cheek.

She was trapped.

She was dying.

She was…

*

He inhaled sharply, and their minds met in a blinding instant.

After growing amounts of silence over the last few weeks, it was deafening.

Rey could feel every little thing he was feeling and saw every thought he’d had about _her_.

Her jaw dropped at the sensation, and she could sense his thumb brushing over her cheekbone even as it happened in real time.

“Rey…”

He breathed her name like a prayer, and she nestled into his palm, wordlessly answering him.

It was enough.

He tilted her chin up just slightly, and then there was no longer space between their mouths.

Her lips parted beneath his almost instantly, for his hunger was hers.

He drank her sighs down as she inhaled his groans.

She’d long since taken hold of him by the collar, wanting to avoid any possible chance of touching his just healed side.

The slide and slip of their lips against one another was a strange sort of heady bliss. Occasionally he would lick over her bottom lip, and she’d nip at his.

Her focus grew so intense that she actually forgot to breathe through her nose, and when the fire bloomed in her lungs she pulled away suddenly, gasping for air.

“All right?”

Both hands were cupping her face now, and Rey felt the threat of tears stinging her eyes.

It wasn’t.

She wasn’t.

It was wrong.

Why didn’t she want to stop?

*

It was simple escalation.

The library wasn’t private, so they went to her quarters.

All packed up, it was almost abandoned.

Plenty of room.

The bed was made, messily as she always did, and it didn’t matter when he dropped her on top of the sheets.

Her chest was heaving from the effort of holding back.

Using the Force to read his mind and try and predict his thoughts and feelings and wishes would be wrong.

So she let him tell her.

He also showed her.

Loose clothing was good for one thing. It came off easy.

He loomed over her, broad shouldered and pale with a wicked pink scar crawling from his hip to just under his arm.

She’d never seen anything so beautiful in her whole existence.

His thoughts mirrored hers.

She felt it when their foreheads met.

A gasp left her lips when he touched her bare skin, hands on her breasts, her stomach, the cleft between her legs that even she’d hardly explored.

So many ways it could have gone wrong, but it only felt right.

In sync, they explored each other, and when it was needed, they used the Force to heighten sensations.

Not often.

When he slid inside her, it felt like coming home.

Blasphemous as it was.

Her nails made half moons in his back, and he bit her shoulder to keep from shouting her name above a whisper.

There was no way she could come out of that moment without regret.

But in the end, would it matter?

Redemption had been the answer.

Not death.

Not revenge.

No longer was Kylo Ren immune to the Light.

*

**END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was all written today in about 6 hours so if its wonky that's why.  
> and i just gotta say....i love writing these two. love it.

**Author's Note:**

> this is also available to read on my tumblr :parttimefemmefatale.tumblr.com


End file.
